Being social is an essential part of life. We humans have functioned best as groups ever since we inhabited this earth. But unfortunately, modern technology has made it so that even though we live closer together than ever before and have more “contact” with each other than ever before, we are further apart than ever before. We have managed to make social interaction take place almost exclusively online and unlearn what we have been able to do naturally for thousands of years.
That’s why it’s important to rededicate ourselves to the “nature of mankind” and relearn what we’ve forgotten. More than ever, it is important to have these skills and represent ourselves as a beacon of social stability in an antisocial society.
Use these eight tips as a starting point to make your life more social again. If you take them to heart, opportunities will open up that you may not have thought possible before.
1. Respect
Respect is the basic building block for good interpersonal interaction. Without respecting each other, one cannot hope for a positive outcome of the interaction. Respect has nothing to do with whether you like someone or not. Rather, it is a basic respect for the other individual.
It doesn’t even matter whether one holds the other person’s opinions. Even disputes can be resolved respectfully.
Of course, I must also mention self-respect here. If another person treats you disrespectfully, it is often better to just leave. In most cases, nothing can be gained from this dynamic.
2. Be genuinely interested in the other person.
This is more a matter of attitude than a real move. Because no matter how hard you try to give a good impression and be liked by the other person, in the end, it’s often the subtle nuances that make the difference between being perceived as authentic or fake.
The best actors in the world will not be able to create a happy image if they feel sad. We humans are very good at perceiving such things (women probably a little better than men), and when we notice that the words or the big gestures didn’t match the small gestures, our brain warns us that something is wrong here (this is called dissonance).
Therefore, it is important not only to show this interest but to actually be interested.
A little personal tip: If this is difficult, it can help to remember that there is no one in this world from whom you cannot learn at least something small. Try to find it in boring conversations.
By the way, if you like this post and you want to take your social skills to the next level make sure to check out the all time classic “How to win friends & influence people” by Dale Carnegie (*). It´s one of the best books on Social Skills you´ll ever read.
3. Talk about the interests of the other person
There is almost nothing more important to people than themselves. Showing interest in things that interest the other person is not only a topic they love to talk about, but also shows that you understand and value the other person. I recently talked to a friend who loves to fly gliders for a living. We were talking, and the conversation lost some energy. I then asked him a question about gliding, and he talked for an hour without me having to encourage him in any way and later said goodbye, saying, “That was a totally nice conversation with you,” even though I hardly said a word during that time….
4. Repeat their name
Studies have shown time and again that we humans like to hear our own name. We react differently to the sound of our own name than to that of others.
Therefore, it can be very helpful to repeat the name of the person you are talking to frequently.
Again, of course, don’t overdo it, so that your intentions don’t become too obvious, and you are perceived as manipulative, etc.
5. Smile
One thing that should be self-explanatory. We are attracted to positivity, and this is expressed, among other things, by smiling.
But again, the point is not to fake it but to be as authentic as possible. Maybe something actually makes you happy right now…?
But smiling is actually not exclusively to be liked by the other person. Because just as we smile when we are happy, we are happy when we smile. And we try to exploit this bidirectional relationship to gain more from the interaction ourselves. Also, we must always remember that we can only influence other people to a certain degree, just as others can only influence us to a certain degree. Therefore, it is important that we take responsibility and control over our own emotions, and this can be done by smiling.
6. Stay in a good mood
Strongly connected to the point before. Again, people are attracted to positivity. Good humor is evident in many areas. The important thing is to authentically try to take pleasure in the interaction.
If you feel comfortable, you can also try to bring humor into the interaction. Laughing together connects people. This is especially recommended when you realize that you share the same sense of humor.
Just be careful not to make jokes about topics that could hurt others, such as politics or religion. These are topics where you can easily fall into a trap.
7. Be Confident
People like self-confidence because it can be strongly associated with authenticity. The reasoning is that if someone doesn’t have to hide anything and represents themselves honestly, they can be trusted. Self-confidence is therefore not exclusively for you but also says, “Hey, this is the authentic me, and I am honest. You can trust me.” Of course, people react positively to this.
8. Support the other person
No one likes people who constantly tell them how improbable their dreams are, how much work their goals require, etc. We usually know best ourselves anyway. Dale Carnegie once said, “Any fool can complain, and most fools do.” He hit the nail on the head with that because spreading only negativity with criticism does not help anybody. On the contrary, when people receive sincere support, they feel important and seen. Give someone a sincere compliment that supports their goals or dreams and see how the interaction changes.
Final Thoughts
Now, before you start putting everything into action, I’d like to give you a few things to keep in mind. Remember that social skills are just that: skills. And skills can be learned and improved. If you haven’t had many social interactions in your life, you can’t expect them to be perfect right from the start. Besides, there is always a price you pay for using these techniques. If you need something from someone, okay. But if you’re really just using these techniques to be liked, you should still ask yourself if you like the other person at all.
Connected to this is that, especially when you don’t need anything from people, you should always— and I mean always— be authentic. Even if you play a role so that people like you, they like you primarily because of this role, not because of you.
Also, you should never be too obvious about your goals. Unfortunately, people notice very quickly when you manipulate them, so this should be practiced carefully. The rule here is “fake it until you make it.” Play by these rules until they become second nature to you.
One last tip that has helped me the most: Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can. What are they feeling right now? What are they thinking? What do they think of you? Having this social calibration and being able to respond appropriately to situations is the crown of social interactions and will help you in all social areas of life. And – at least to me – it’s also just very entertaining.
Hope I could help. If you enjoyed the article or if you have any questions or comments please let me know down below.
Nick
