For many people, it can be very helpful to have a clear, bulletproof set of rules and to-dos they can follow when entering a daunting social setting.

So, what should you do in your next few social interactions to feel more at ease in the future?

Of course, the setting plays a crucial role in the entire interaction.

You won’t act the same in a job interview as you would on a date, and group settings are different again.

If you want more detailed guidance for specific situations, let me know, and I’ll cover those too.

For now, the following steps are designed for basic small talk interactions.

If you’re meeting someone one-on-one, the first step begins before you even see them:

Take a deep breath.

Then, tell yourself it’s going to be fine.

Feeling comfortable in your own skin helps a lot, so consider taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and putting on your best clothes.

This will reflect in your posture and overall appearance.

Listening to some of your favorite tunes can also help, as it puts you in a good mood.

You might also want to call someone before the meeting to get into the habit of talking.

When you meet them, say:

“Hey [name], how are you doing?” if you already know them, or “Hey, you must be [name], how are you doing?” if you haven’t met them before.

It’s also a good idea to have some physical contact, whether it’s a hug, handshake, or a fist bump.

If you go for a handshake and they go for a fist bump, it’s a great opportunity to have a first laugh.

Just say, “Oh man, we really messed that up, didn’t we? Haha!”

Every interaction is different, but I usually find it easiest to be the one talking the most at the beginning and gradually shift the focus to the other person.

Start by talking about something that happened on your way there or earlier that day.

This tends to ease the tension in most conversations.

You can also prepare a story in advance so you already know what to talk about.

Another tip is to discuss or ask about something happening around you or related to your meeting, like, “So how do you know [name]?”

Another simple conversation starter, especially when you bump into someone unexpectedly, is to ask what they’re doing there.

All three starters can easily lead to a conversation.

Stick with them for a while by asking basic questions like “Why is that?” or “How come…?” before changing the subject.

When changing the subject, remember the FORD method:

Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.

This acronym helps you remember great topics to discuss, as most people have plenty of interesting things to share in these areas.

Here are some questions to guide you:

Family

• “Do you have any siblings?”
• “Where does your family live?”
• “Do you have any pets? How did you choose that pet?”
• “What’s your favorite family tradition?”
• “Do you have any family members who live far away? Do you visit them often?”
• “What’s the best advice you’ve received from a family member?”
• “How does your family celebrate holidays or special occasions?”

Occupation

• “What do you do for a living?”
• “How did you get into your current line of work?”
• “What’s the most rewarding part of your job?”
• “If you could change one thing about your job, what would it be?”
• “How did you decide on your career path?”
• “What’s a typical day like for you at work?”
• “Are there any skills you’re currently learning or want to learn for your career?”

Recreation

• “What do you like to do in your free time?”
• “Are there any hobbies you’re passionate about?”
• “What’s your favorite way to relax after a long week?”
• “Are you into any sports or fitness activities?”
• “What’s the most interesting place you’ve visited recently?”
• “Do you enjoy any creative hobbies like painting, writing, or music?”
• “Have you tried any new hobbies or activities lately?”

Dreams

• “What are some of your dreams or goals for the future?”
• “Is there something you’ve always wanted to do or achieve?”
• “What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or try?”
• “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?”
• “What’s one goal you’re working towards right now?”
• “If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?”
• “What’s something you hope to achieve in the next five years?”

Based on these questions, it’s easy to keep the conversation going.

Just listen to what the other person says and use follow-up questions, along with sharing your own opinions and experiences, to keep the dialogue flowing.

Remember to share about yourself too, so the conversation doesn’t feel like an interview.

Another quick tip is to introduce a topic first and ask a question second.

Phrases like, “That reminds me of the time when…” and “Funny you should mention that, yesterday I…” are great transitions to a new topic.

Lastly, it’s always easier to end the conversation on your terms since you’re in control.

Smooth endings involve wrapping up the current topic, explaining why you need to leave, and (if you wish) making future plans.

For example: “Well, this was fun. Unfortunately, I have to go now because […]. You have to tell me more about […] next time though. Will you be at […] tomorrow?”