This article is going to be a little more emotional and personal, as we’re discussing breakups.
Breakups are typically fraught with pain, often affecting both parties involved.
They signify the end of an era, where you must let go of someone who has been a significant part of your life.
These moments can be particularly heart-wrenching, and from my personal experience, I’ve found that separations tend to be more distressing for certain individuals, myself included.
I tend to love intensely and become deeply engaged in my relationships, which is why parting ways is particularly challenging for me.
Reflecting on my recent breakup, which occurred not too long ago, I realized that it was one of the most painful separations I’ve had to endure.
This realization prompted me to write this article hopefully helping someone reading this.
During that time, I discovered that much of the information available on the internet about coping with breakups was not especially helpful to me.
In fact, the strategies that helped me navigate my last breakup were largely a product of my own thoughts, as well as insights from my friends and family.
In this article, I aim to share everything that aided me in moving on from a five-year relationship.
I’ll primarily be discussing the techniques and perspectives that helped me most during this period.
Even though this article is written in a step-by-step format just pick whatever you think works best for you since this is such an individual topic.
Allow yourself to griev
One of the initial steps to take after a breakup is to allow yourself to grieve.
From my personal experience, I’ve learned that if you don’t release your emotions right away, you may end up postponing the process.
It’s entirely okay to feel sadness for a few days when you have to bid farewell to a loved one.
During this time, it’s also perfectly acceptable to seek more support from family and friends then usual and to take a step back from everyday life.
Maybe rewatch your favourite movie or series.
You don’t have to strive for high levels of productivity or for feeling perfectly fine right away.
Accept that the relationship is over
Acceptance is a step that I personally found to be the most challenging.
After every breakup, it’s essential to come to terms with the fact that it’s over.
Otherwise, you may find yourself constantly ruminating on how to reunite or nurturing hope that there might be a way to reconnect in the future.
The longer it takes to acknowledge that the relationship has ended, the longer you’ll grapple with the pain.
When people approach me saying, “I can’t seem to forget my ex,” it’s often because they haven’t yet embraced the reality that the relationship has ended.
I went through a similar struggle myself, pondering ways to win my ex back rather than accepting that the relationship was over.
This acceptance is more about an emotional shift than a tangible action you need to complete.
However, I’ve discovered a helpful technique: conduct a symbolic “funeral” for the relationship.
Essentially, that’s what it is.
It signifies acknowledging that a person you likely cared deeply for is no longer a part of your life.
Get creative here.
You might want to write a thank you note or burn everything you´ve gathered during the time you were a couple.
It doesn’t matter whether the other person is still alive or not in this context.
Both parties can benefit from pretending, at least for a while, that the other person is no longer part of this world.
Managing your feelings
Breakups often unleash a whirlwind of emotions, and finding a way to bring some order to this chaos is essential.
From my experience, this process is highly individual because there are various methods to untangle this emotional turmoil.
I like to categorize these methods as “out” and “in.”
Some people find it helpful to externalize their feelings, while others prefer to let them dissipate within.
For those who need to externalize their emotions, engaging in activities can be a constructive approach.
Personally, I belong to this category, and physical activities played a significant role in helping me cope with my breakups.
Particularly, sports that involve fast and intense movements, such as boxing or tennis, were particularly effective.
However, activities like playing a musical instrument, such as the drums, can also provide solace.
On the other hand, there are individuals who tend to internalize their emotions and find peace in quieter settings.
For them, it can be beneficial to remain in calm environments and engage in soothing activities like reading, mindfulness, journaling, or meditation.
This can result in the turmoil slowly fading.
The key is to experiment and determine what works best for you.
Try both approaches—engaging in activities and taking time for introspection—and observe how your feelings change.
It’s through this process that you can discover the most effective method for managing your emotions.
Talk to close ones
One strategy that has personally provided me with significant support is having extensive conversations with friends and family.
Initially, I never thought I would be someone who would find such discussions beneficial, so I was genuinely surprised by how much it helped.
I would strongly recommend that everyone give it a shot with one of their closest friends, at least as an experiment.
If it proves to be helpful, great; if not, it’s not a major setback.
Having multiple people to talk to was especially advantageous for me, as I frequently needed to express the same emotions and thoughts.
This way, no one had to bear the burden of hearing the same things repeatedly, and I gained diverse perspectives from various people.
Eventually, when I realized that I often repeated the same thoughts and that I found more relief in talking my feelings rather than in listening to advice, I transitioned from talking to people to journaling.
At first, this was in an oral format rather than written.
So, I would simply speak into my phone, unloading all my thoughts and emotions.
These messages sometimes extended for hours, and it’s quite enlightening to listen to them nowadays.
I would encourage everyone to give it a try at least once.
Manging destructive thoughts
Not only are our emotions in disarray after a breakup, but our thoughts are as well.
We ponder what we could have done differently to prevent the breakup, we wonder if our ex has moved on, and we contemplate the possibility of reuniting.
These thoughts are entirely normal, yet they are not very helpful as they cause pain and do not alter the reality of the situation.
So, it’s a good idea to find a way to cope with these thoughts sooner rather than later.
What has been particularly helpful for me in this regard is meditation and journaling.
These practices allowed me to identify when these negative thoughts surfaced and what triggered them.
These kinds of thoughts tend to be more frequent at the beginning, and that’s perfectly normal.
However, it’s crucial to recognize that you have control over your thoughts and can choose whether or not to engage with them.
One way to grasp this concept is by understanding that the past and the future only exist in your mind and not in the present.
It’s entirely up to you whether you bring them into your present or not.
You don’t have to entertain them; it’s a choice.
While this may seem like an extreme perspective, it aligns closely with Stoic philosophy, which significantly helped me during the breakup.
Similarly, when you catch yourself envisioning scenarios like “what if” or whether your ex has found a new partner, these are destructive thoughts.
Again, it’s up to you whether you indulge in them.
Once you become comfortable with this mindset, you regain control.
You realize how much influence you have over your own thoughts and the extent to which you want to engage with them.
This realization can provide a sense of empowerment.
Also, altering your perspective on the breakup and the relationship can be highly beneficial.
This is a deeply personal matter, as there are various ways to approach it.
Some people find it helpful to express gratitude for the relationship and the ability to end it amicably.
They might say, “Thank you for the wonderful time. It’s a shame it’s over, but it was good as it was.”
Alternatively, you might consider that your ex did you a favor by initiating the breakup.
You can even feel grateful that they ended it because it signifies that they didn’t see the relationship the way you did.
In essence, they acknowledged the incompatibility, which provides you with more time to find a partner who truly aligns with your vision.
A friend of mine likens life to a train ride, where people get on and off.
Acceptance of this natural process is another effective way to cope with the breakup.
Use your emotions
One step that has been immensely beneficial for me personally is leveraging the emotions I experienced.
Emotions are essentially energy, and we have the choice to channel them constructively or destructively.
Interestingly, without that emotional energy, this article and my blog might never have come into existence.
You can take the emotions you feel and use them as a driving force to propel your life forward in ways you’ve never considered before.
It’s a bit of a paradox, but it’s when you’ve seemingly lost everything that you often find yourself more courageous and a bit more carefree.
Consider this: you can use this phase to tackle the things you’ve been postponing.
This approach can be instrumental in your personal development, shifting your focus to other endeavors.
For some of us, there’s the concept of “winning the breakup”.
For those starting self improvement is particularly appealing.
It’s about returning to the gym, continuing to learn, maintaining a meditation practice, making new friends, and advancing in your personal development.
The beauty of this is that it has virtually no downside.
You begin to feel better about yourself, potentially attract new partners, and there’s an undeniable thrill in running into your ex and presenting a completely updated version of yourself.
Time heals all wounds
I hate this phrase.
It’s so cliché, but unfortunately, it’s also true.
The human psyche can’t remain in an extreme state indefinitely, and eventually, you’ll start to recover on your own.
If you’ve found effective ways to cope, this healing process might come sooner rather than later, and there are certainly steps you can take to expedite it.
Nonetheless, for everyone, that period of post-breakup pain does eventually come to an end.
Accepting this, even when it seems improbable, can be incredibly reassuring.
Continuously reminding yourself that this too shall pass, and that you won’t feel this way forever, is a source of comfort and solace.
Personally, I began to view my emotions at a certain point as a kind of ailment.
I acknowledged their presence and annoyance but knew that they would eventually dissipate, so I patiently waited for that time.
Though for me this state came late in the post-breakup phase.
During this phase, it’s incredibly helpful to keep yourself occupied.
Try to fill your calendar, meet with friends frequently, and engage in productive work.
It’s not about mulling over your emotions endlessly but rather about treating this period as a form of waiting.
This time can be well-utilized as you wait for the healing process to run its course.
Reentering the Dating Scene
This is the point where a certain phrase comes to mind: “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.”
However, I don’t believe it’s entirely accurate.
Dating again is indeed a pivotal step toward getting over a breakup.
Opening yourself up to new people can mark the final essential stage in letting go of the past relationship.
But I wouldn’t advise rushing into something new.
Often, jumping into a new relationship immediately is more of a delay tactic than a genuine step forward.
The timing for reentering the dating world varies widely from person to person.
Initially, it might feel a bit challenging, as you may think that no one else can compare to your ex.
However, when you eventually meet someone who sparks even a tiny bit of interest, you’ll have a powerful and true realization: there are many individuals out there with whom you are compatible.
For most people, this realization signifies the last stage of recovering from a breakup.
Therefore, I would recommend considering reentering the dating scene sooner rather than later.
Feel free to share any mindsets and techniques in the comments that have aided you.
I find these conversations very enlightening, and you might help someone else navigate their breakup more swiftly.
Hope I could help. If you enjoyed the article or if you have any questions or comments please let me know down below.
Nick
