We’ve all been there: you’ve gathered all your courage and taken that pretty young woman out on a date. And it went damn well. So well, in fact, that she wanted to see you again right away. And again. And again. And again. Absolute bliss…
What’s most astonishing is that she wants to be your girlfriend. You can’t believe how lucky you are. You think you’ll never be unhappy again.
Then, suddenly, a few days or weeks after all this, she starts taking a little longer to reply to your texts. She seems a little less in love, a little less interested in you. Sometimes you even catch her looking at other men. Of course, she denies all this, but that uneasy feeling remains.
You want to change something, but you don’t know how. Your natural charm that seemed to come so easily suddenly needs work, and she doesn’t seem quite as susceptible to you in general.
At this point, you have to make a decision about how your relationship will continue. If you don’t change anything, this journey with her will eventually end, probably not well. You are aware of this, but what can you do?
For many of us, romantic relationships are a big part of life. Often, this part determines whether we feel happy and fulfilled or lonely and alone. Unfortunately, much of the dating advice found on the internet and in books is primarily about attracting a potential partner or having one-night stands or short-term flings. However, if you consider that the divorce rate in many western countries is getting higher and higher, you can see how difficult it is for many people to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with their partner nowadays. But like most things in life, being in a happy, fulfilling romantic relationship is a skill that can be learned.
Personally, I started to deal with this topic after going through two very painful breakups due to certain mistakes I made. With two women who, if I had had all the knowledge from this article back then, could have potentially become the mother of my children. After the second breakup, I decided to look more closely at the dynamics of the relationships around me and my own. What was working? What wasn’t? “Funnily enough,” many of my close friends were in similar situations at the time and asked me for help. The crazy thing is that the underlying issues were very similar. Only none of them saw it while in the relationship. Yet, by knowing these dynamics and telling them what was truly going on, many have been able to turn the tide in their relationship and are happier than ever with their partner now.
Of course, every relationship is different because every person is different to some degree. However, there are certain patterns that occur regularly and break happy relationships. Knowing about these patterns, recognizing them in time, and carefully working against them is an essential part of every happy partnership.
The best relationships consist of two people functioning as individuals.
The Individual Aspect - What you can change on your own
1. Self-love
The first step you can take to have a happier relationship is to have a happier relationship with yourself. People are basically attracted to self-confident and complete individuals and repelled by dependent ones. This is the biggest mistake in many relationships: many people are so focused on their partner and their time together that they completely forget to live their own life. The paradox is that all the time they spend in the relationship makes it more unstable.
2. Independence
When you do not function as an individual, you become dependent on your partner. These dependencies can be an interesting incentive for some to stay in a relationship, but usually these are not the people you want to be in a relationship with.
3. Own Goals
In addition, you should continue to pursue your own goals and focus on your personal development. Even if the relationship seems like pure bliss, you must not forget that there is much else in life that makes you happy. A strong focus on the relationship will throw your life out of balance, and if you put all your cards on one hand and it fails, you will fall deep.
4. Boundaries
It is also important to continue to set boundaries, even with your own partner. In my experience, this paradoxically brings you closer together.
5. Expectations
Additionally, it is important to become aware of your own expectations of the relationship and of your partner, and to consider whether or not they are helpful for a happy partnership. Especially when the very common highs and lows of the relationship arrive, this can be crucial. Prepare yourself to accept the fact that a relationship is not just nice. Sometimes it’s just work. But in the long run, it’s often work that pays off.
6. Be Yourself
Finally, keep in mind that there are certain character traits that are the reason why your partner chose you. Of course, it can only be helpful to maintain these.
Finally, keep in mind that there are certain character traits that are the reason why your partner chose you. Of course, it can only be helpful to maintain these.
The Couple Aspect - What You Can Change Together
1. Communication
When it comes to the couple aspect, the be-all and end-all of a happy partnership is how well communication works. How often do couples break up because certain things were not said at all or were said too late? Romantic partnerships consist of two people with their own desires, preferences, and ideas. As long as no laws or personal boundaries are crossed, the way you want to conduct your relationship is entirely up to the two of you. Often problems arise because new couples try to form exactly the same normative patterns as other couples and forget that the relationship is just between the two of them and no one has to dictate what is right and what is wrong. Good communication can also strengthen the sense of connection that is so essential to any healthy partnership. When you feel like a team, it is hard to separate.
2. Learn each other´s love language
This is based on “The Five Love Languages” by Gary D. Chapman. Although for many it is inexplicable, each person has their own ways of expressing love and feeling loved by someone. The term “language” is very appropriate here because at first, it feels very much like learning a foreign language when you start speaking the language of your partner’s love.
3. Remember to stay calm
Relationships can be very messy. Dealing with your partner’s feelings and behavior without becoming emotional yourself must be learned. But always remember that much of what you experience is a perfectly normal part of any relationship.
4. Spend quality time together
Last but not least, the most important advice. Many couples make the mistake that once they have experienced how beautiful a relationship can be, they only spend time together. This is nice for a while, but sooner or later, you inevitably start to see that your partner is also only human. Someone who eats, drinks, sleeps, and sometimes even stinks… Therefore, it can be essential to spend less time together than you would like, but to use this time spent together properly. A nice special date, intimate time together, or even a weekend getaway. When you focus more on the quality than the quantity of time together, you end up getting much more out of the relationship. And as a little side note: No one has ever broken up because the time together was just too good..
Conclusion
Maintaining a happy, fulfilling romantic relationship is a skill that can be learned. It is important to recognize certain patterns that can break relationships and work against them. The individual aspect is crucial, which includes self-love, independence, determination, setting boundaries, being aware of expectations, and being yourself. Additionally, the couple aspect is also important, with communication being the key. Partners need to be able to express their desires, preferences, and ideas to strengthen their sense of connection. It is also essential to understand that a relationship is not always easy, and sometimes it takes work, but it can be worth it in the end. By understanding these dynamics, individuals can turn the tide in their relationship and experience happiness with their partner.
Hope I could help. If you enjoyed the article or if you have any questions or comments please let me know down below.
Nick
